I dislike stuff. Well, that’s not quite right. I dislike owning too much stuff. I’m not sure why, but the more I own the more it clutters my life in both physical and mental ways. I’ve begun adopting a more minimalistic approach to my life for quite a while now and that scrutiny is finally starting to creep into my kink and sex.
Simplicity is one of those universal principles that applies across a wide spectrum of life experience. Minimalism, the concept that embraces as perhaps superior that which is stripped to its essentials or spare, is predicated on simplicity and the “keep it simple” phrase is a suitable synopsis of minimalistic thinking. Keep it simple is a phrase that crosses my mind often as I approach my erotic life nowadays.
There are two specific areas in which I follow the simpler is better motto: physical and mental. The physical realm is the touching, the sex/kink act itself. The mental encompasses basic animal attraction to the more complex sophisticated eroticmind scenarios and associations. When I approach either aspect of my sexuality with minimalism in mind, it nearly always narrows my focus and ups my level of enjoyment. It might for you too.
Perhaps some examples will illustrate how this all applies to me and how it might to you also.
First the physical. For years I was an avowed gear junkie. I could never walk into a fetish clothing, sex gear, or book store and walk out empty handed. I liked my fetish garb, my toys and my mental erotic stimulation. Lots of it. Over time, though, I found that adopting an acquisition mindset wasn’t making me any happier when it came to my sex life. The more stuff I owned, the more I had to keep track of, the more I had to learn to use, the more I had to store, the more I had to lug around, and so on. Gear was literally weighting me down and choking off my sex.
Eventually I started to pare down my collection. In the beginning I simply packed less in a toybag. I wore only that which made me truly erotically comfortable. Then I started to consider more carefully my purchases. I asked myself if what I was considering buying was something I’d use a lot. I got honest with myself. Often the answer was no, I wouldn’t use it much most likely. Then I started to slowly purge the extraneous from my collection. The end result is a small set of well-worn and well-used items. And not only was I using more of my stuff more often, but I was getting much better at using them. No musician can adequately learn every instrument. To some extent that applies to sexplay as well. I chose to strive for maestro status in a narrower range of play and I find it far more satisfying.
On a mental plane, my minimalistic approach has pushed me towards high quality experiences and broadened what I consider “hot” in terms of both variations of sexplay and variations in sex partners. I approach my sex with an eye towards simplicity and by doing so have connected better with a wider range of people erotically. Simultaneously I found my mind considering new sexual arenas in which to play. What just a few years ago I’d never even considered was now ensconcing itself in my sexual psyche. In short, I started to ignore the unnecessary rules, I got kinkier, fully embraced what I did like while being quite comfortable with not liking certain things, and I had better intimate connections when I played. How hot is that?!
For those who find a large array of garb or gear satisfying, great! For those who are ultimately turned on by keeping their erotic mindset highly complicated and complex, great! By no means do I consider my minimalistic approach right for everyone, but I do hope it’s at least something you’ll consider as you ponder what might make your sex life better.
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Having never gone down the route of massive toy aggregation, but sometimes being aware of a certain subcultural tendency to assume that having lots of stuff is somehow necessary, I find this perspective refreshing. Good point too about having few toys and learning to use them well.
Sometimes I like just using my hands and teeth for uncomplicated sadomasochism. For sexual DS, we need no more than our minds and bodies. It can happen empty handed, or sans weapons sans gear.
On the material side, some kinks just need more stuff. Heavy bondage and immobilisation for example. For people with clothing fetishes, minimalism is probably more about not amassing multiple sets of everything. (Not having any clothing fetishes ourselves, we just wear our ordinary clothes, or nothing.)
I started to ignore the unnecessary rules, I got kinkier, fully embraced what I did like while being quite comfortable with not liking certain things, and I had better intimate connections when I played.
I love this approach, giving one’s personal turn-ons and turn-offs value in the sphere where they are relevant. I’d be happy to read more, if you ever have time and inclination to write more about this process.
Ranai, minimalism seems to be a theme that’s starting to encompass my entire life approach. So I may be writing about it more. Thanks for your comments.
“All a body needs once in a while is a little EMPHASIS!” – Someone my Sir likes to quote.
Craig, that’s a great way to put it. I may use that “emphasis” idea in the future too. Thanks!
True story. Four men were traveling to Delta in the same car, two tops and two bottoms. The two tops spent the day before starting off packing the car, cramming their gear into every available inch of space. The two bottoms were only bringing along clean socks and underwear, all they really needed.
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