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Promotion Versus Attraction

Sometimes I’ll be in the middle of a discussion with other leatherfolk or kinksters and the topic of “who belongs” in certain kink environments comes up. This seems to arise more often amid people who identify with leather as opposed to those who identify as kink, but it’s still a common area of discussion in […]

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Kink Exceptionalism

“No, you’re not that special.” As I was reading an interesting book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, by Mark Manson, a chapter section titled “The Tyranny of Exceptionalism” struck me as pertinent to modern day kink. (Note: I liked the book. I suggest you buy […]

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The Case for Better Polyamory Representation

A friend of mine, Stormy Styles, related strongly to a recent post she saw on Facebook. She copied and edited the text a bit to add some of her own thoughts, then posted it to her Facebook timeline. The reaction was remarkable. The post was quickly shared and copied and widely discussed. I copied and […]

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When Your Erotic Identity Is Damaged

There is an assumption that there are certain people so confident in their sexuality and erotic identities that nothing can challenge those aspects of their lives. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am living proof. This isn’t easy to talk about. Our society as well as our sexual and kink subcultures worship at […]

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Clean Whiteboard Sex

As I’ve pursued my own flavor of a sex life, I’ve noticed something creeping in that I didn’t like. Sex had become a game of matching up a somewhat rigid list of turns ons and turn offs, dos and don’ts. If someone who was potentially interesting sexually came into my awareness, my first instinct often […]

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Watts the Safeword Interview

I was interviewed by Pup Amp of the Watts the Safeword YouTube channel for their “12 Gays of Christmas” series. If you’re interested in BDSM and kink, check it out. It’s hosted by two gay men and much of the content is of specific interest to kinky gay men, but many other kinksters will find it interesting […]

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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

I delivered this speech on October 15, 2016 as the keynote address at Beyond Vanilla event held in Dallas, Texas. It’s a bit different than many of my usual speeches. Good evening. I’m having a great time here at Beyond Vanilla. I hope you are too. Thanks to everyone involved in creating and running this event. […]

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Getting Along

A version of this post was originally published in the Bay Area Reporter. You will find the original online version here. As a long-time kinkster, I have observed many changes and trends in the leather and kink networks since the early 70s. We’ve moved from a fairly small scene that mostly frequented the underbelly of […]

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Let’s Celebrate Being Kinky

A version of this post was originally published in the Bay Area Reporter. You will find the original online version here. This post is about celebrating our kinkiness. Obviously that means I’m assuming you who are reading this consider yourself kinky. If you don’t, keep reading anyway. You’ll hopefully find this interesting. When we choose […]

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Honor History, Don’t Copy It

This speech was delivered on March 29, 2015 as the keynote address at the Colorado Leather Fest event held in Denver, Colorado. Good morning. I’ve had a really good time on this maiden voyage of this new Colorado Leatherfest event. I hope you have also. Thanks to everyone involved in creating and running this event. You’ve […]

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