The Mainstreaming of Gay Kink

I was recently having a chat with a few friends at my local coffee shop in the Castro District of San Francisco. A common thread of conversation is how much the Castro has changed from an almost entirely gay area to one that is certainly still mostly gay, but is clearly seeing an influx of men and women of all orientations. (The large numbers of male/female couples pushing baby carriages down the sidewalk being one demonstration of the changes.)

Almost simultaneously, the same day, I was discussing the changes taking place in the landscape of gay kink (leather/SM/fetish). I constantly hear disgruntled men talk about the disappearance of leather bars, the lack of men wearing their leather and gear in public, the fact that large play parties seem to be on the decline, the decline of the more traditional forms of leather/kink, and other signs of a quickly changing gay male leather/kink scene.

Since I had these conversations so close together, it make me think of their similarities and that, perhaps, the causes were similar.

Both the general gay men’s scene and the leather/kink scene have changed a lot in recent years. While the vanilla gay scene has certainly become more widely accepted than the leather/kink scene, there are clear signs of greater acceptance across the board. Interactions among members of both scenes has been forever altered by the internet and the abundant online modes of connecting with others. Where there were once only a few venues in which to commune with like-minded men, now there are many. Bars and a few clubs have been enhanced (and sometimes replaced) with countless events, organizations, specialized niche clubs and groups, publications, parties, fundraisers, contests and other ways in which men can gather with each other rather easily. Younger men in both scenes now live in a world of relatively easy entrance into the folds. They see no wisdom in struggling to enter into their community of choice and don’t understand why some of the older among them shake their heads in disapproval (perhaps more out of envy than true disapproval).

I know many men bemoan the changes, but I don’t think the pace of change will slow down. If anything, it will speed up. The mainstreaming of kink (for lack of a better way of putting it) has begun and it’s not likely to abate.

This gives the kinky among us but two options, adapt or retreat. I vote for adaptation because I believe adaptation is not only a pragmatic solution, it’s a better solution. Change is a sign something is alive and vibrant. Lack of change is a sign something has plateaued and stagnated. Which would you rather embrace?

I hope you’ll join me in embracing the new landscape of kink. I plan to go with the flow while growing and adapting along the way. Does this sometimes challenge me? Sure! But the option of retreating from the scene into my cocoon of familiarity and tradition just doesn’t seem all that appealing.